I
will never hit my child. I lead by example, I get plenty of chances to
show her how to express anger without hurting others, how to calm down,
and how to explain and apologise and
cuddle or kiss better.
My LO is 2 years old, lively and independant. My
method can be long winded at first but I'm seeing such good results its
definatly worth it. I'm so proud of how well she waits and shares and
cares for others at just 25months old. still, If she's tired or teething
or plain grumpy, she will snatch what she wants and yell'' 'no me
turn!' at other children, and will sometimes start swinging her arms at them (I
don't see it as hitting, shes just frustrated not trying to hurt). I get
down to her level and calmly say " sweet heart its *** turn, if you wants it we have to ask nicely and wait" this used to cause melt downs, with
kicking screaming. I stay with her and soothingly tell her its going to
be ok, and her turn will be soon, and she just has to wait nicely, I
try to cuddle her and I move her away from whats upsetting her. If she
does accidently hit me I say 'no thats not nice' but I dont make a big
deal because its rarly diliberate, if it is, I say firmly, 'no that
hurts mummy!' this brings fresh tears but she cuddles into me and I tell
her its ok but its not nice so mummy needs the cuddle, I thank her for
making it better and I remind her why shes upset ' Im sorry your upset,
you wanted ***, but it was **s turn, we have to ask nicely and wait,
can evie wait nicely? lets play ** while we're waiting ok?'.
Alot of the
time now she doesnt melt down, she huffs and stomps off to play
something else and I tell her how good she is and make sure she's next
on what ever she wanted and congratulate her on such good waiting.
If during play
she makes contact with another child, or they are crying after she
steals a toy, I point out, 'poor ** is hurt/upset, can you say sorry
and pat/cuddle them better?' I dont tell her off for hurting them
because its not malicious, shes a toddler and these things happen. I just gently teach her to empathis and share to avoid tantrums. I think
the key to toddler tantrums is being sympathetic and understanding the
toddler mind, they're not manipultaing, there not violant, they just
feel frustrated and they have to show it and that is upsetting for THEM. these emotins are so new and raw to them and the need to have our support.
When she is being naughty deliberatly, I
don't need to or draw attention to how 'naughty' she is, being
negative, making her feel bad and punishing doesnt give her the opertunity to understand what
she did ,or emaphise, with the wrong. I explain to her why its not ok, and i explain how it makes me/others feel. Thanks to teaching her sharing and empathy, she doesnt need punishment to learn right from wrong, she can understand so long as I have the patiance to explain the situation to her.
I will never be too embarrased to comfort my child while she gets to
grips with her disapointment or frustration. It really upsets me when I
see children out with their parents, being told no, and when that child
expresses themselfs they get shouted down to 'be quiet!' or they will
get more punishment, more things will be taken from them. The poor
childs mind is is in overload but they have no-one to support or comfort
them in this overwhelming situation.
I do feel angry some times and I have to express it, its healthy to know how to express your self with out repressing it or hurting others. I will leave the room to shout, hit a pillow, stomp out the room! If my LO sees me upset and is concerned I can instantly comfort her, I reassure her that I'm ok, that I was upset for a moment but I feel better and I thank her for making me feel better. She'll give me a hug or tell me I'm being silly. I'd go mad if I had to act perfect infront of her and pretend that emotions are 'bad'.
So won't ever
tell my children off for being upset. I will always have time for my
children, I will always comfort them when they don't get what they want. I
can be firm and have boundries and if they dont like it its not 'tough
luck', its understandable that they are upset and I will be there for
them tthrough it, whether its at home or at tesco or in a cafe.
